Hi guys! I have found that understanding the whys is crucial for my personal growth, and that’s why I’ve put a list together for you with my perspective and understanding of things. I hope you feel inclined to follow all of the key points I give you here and don’t dismiss them until you try them yourself. I love you, and remember to be kind.
1- Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes and you must go through the process. Analyze what has happened, feel the emotions, and set them free.
Self-forgiveness is a practice we all must follow to move on, to let go of the past, decisions, and mistakes that we might have chosen. Sometimes we even have to forgive ourselves for actions that belong to other people.
To practice this, we must pay attention to our emotions and thoughts regarding the issue in question. Feel the emotions, thus realizing that there is forgiveness needed in the first place, which is when the emotions triggered by the thoughts are guilt, anger, self-loath, and others alike. We interiorize that we are as humans as everyone else, that we all make mistakes. That you didn’t know then what you know now, and even if you did, understand and forgive yourself. Doing this, leaving behind any of those emotions attached to that mistake, opens space for new emotions like self-compassion, which brings us to the second point.
2- Practice Self-compassion by being kind to yourself. Compassion is often defined as the feeling that emerges when the pain of others is presented, and one feels motivated to provide relief. Self-compassion acts as a preventive practice that helps us forgive ourselves on the spot, self-forgiveness on automatic. As soon as you notice you did something you disapprove of, you automatically forgive yourself, from a self-compassionate vibrational standpoint.
When you are gentle with yourself, you no longer have disappointing opinions about yourself. You realize that err is human and you move on, instead of dwelling on self-hostility and staying in that vibration, which will attract vibrations alike and will add to that self-hostility.
Another way of practicing self-compassion is by being the gentle witness of your thoughts instead of judging yourself. Be aware of your thoughts, witness them, but please remember, you don’t have to identify with them, you get to choose the ones that define you.
3- Take note of every judgment you have and understand that this perception comes from self-judgment and self-denial.
Judging is to form an opinion based on our perception and belief system that we are projecting onto the other person, while self-denial is restricting our interests and desires. When we negate that we are enough we deny our worthiness, validation, and self-love. We pretend no to care the world doesn’t give it to us but deeply and secretly we wish they did, yet we don’t think we are worthy enough to give it to ourselves. This is also pride but against us rather than in our favor.
Journal about it, what are you judging others for, and what are you projecting onto other people? Scrutinize your experience, identify the root cause, and heal. Feel the emotions, release them, and practice points number one and number two.
4- Meditate every day. As the old Zen saying goes “You should sit in meditation for 20 minutes a day, unless you’re too busy, then you should sit for an hour.”
Meditation has so many undeniable benefits, even from a scientific standpoint, showing an increase in gray matter density in areas associated with learning, memory, and emotion control in just eight weeks of meditation. It shows positive effects on the immune system and an increase in pain tolerance as well as a decrease in anxiety and depression.
There are several different types of meditations, whether is a guided one, changing your brain waves, or being in the present moment and practicing mindfulness, it is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself, actually spending time inwards, with your Self.
5- Practice heart-opening yoga poses several times per day. Open Your heart center and release the pain that’s stuck in your heart.
The heart chakra is linked to our love, empathy, and forgiveness. It’s the center of our emotions. When it’s blocked, we can see symptoms like isolation, excessive self-criticism, sadness, hate, jealousy. And there are physical symptoms as well, which could be fatigue, heart and lungs issues, and issues with the lymphatic system.
Unblocking the heart chakra helps us feel more balanced and serene, it helps us by opening to heal our traumas and wounds. It helps us see, accept ourselves just the way we are. It helps us realize that we are already deserving of our own love.
6- Increase your oxytocin levels. Oxytocin is a hormone, also known as the love hormone given that it’s released by men and women when they’re in love, as well as the key role it plays on mother-newborn bonding. Its function includes a broader spectrum of benefits, though.
Low levels of oxytocin are associated with anxiety and depression, autism, PTSD, and personality disorder, just to mention a few. Some of the benefits associated with higher levels of it are reducing stress and improving your emotional state by decreasing cortisol levels, is anti-inflammatory, speeds up healing, and enables cognitive flexibility pathways boosting creativity. Also, it’s related to other social behaviors including problem-solving, trust, and psychological stability.
Eat and drink foods that activate oxytocin, research suggests that vitamin D and vitamin C increase the production of oxytocin while magnesium supports the oxytocin receptors of the brain. Research also suggests that you can increase oxytocin by consuming coffee and chamomile.
7- Stop betraying yourself. We betray ourselves when we deeply believe that we don’t deserve the happy life we truly want. Usually, we don’t even know that’s our belief, because it’s so rooted in our subconscious mind that we don’t notice it.
We must choose to identify with the thoughts that are aligned with our desires and debunk the ones that aren’t by asking ourselves, is it true that I don’t deserve it? Who said it? Is it factual? No. Please know that you are worthy of happiness and your desires because we all are. And that’s why is so important to practice self-worthiness, self-validation, and self-love. You deserve it because you do, you deserve the best human experience because you are one.
You are already worthy, valuable and validated, and loved because you are human. So stop self-sabotage and begin to align yourself with what you truly desire.
8- Dedicate time to yourself. This is the key to making the switch. In my personal experience, I didn’t notice how negligent I had been with myself until I started to put time into it. I started with journaling and found that going back to what I had written gave me a more powerful insight into what I was learning and overcoming.
Meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, enjoying the sunshine, gratitude lists, and other self-care practices like baths, skincare routines, and self massages, just to name a few, are also great opportunities to connect with yourself, to practice self-love.
One of my favorite recommendations is to have some alone time with nature, go to the beach or a park, and walk barefoot, allow the energy to be discharged and recycled by nature, give it back to Earth and let the earth recharge your energy.
9- Do the things you’ve always wanted to do. Do not play small because you’re afraid of being disappointed.
Fear of disappointment is present when one doesn’t believe in one’s value or capabilities. When the goals are set so high up with short timeframes by one that fears disappointment, one has the intention of not doing it at all. And in the crazy event that the person goes out there and gives it half-hearted try, the person is secretly wishing for failure to justify the fear in the first place, so that it becomes a self-fulfilling prediction, which justifies not giving it a try next time and choosing to stay protected in the fear because it’s a known place, more comfortable, but really, it isn’t.
“Being afraid of disappointment leads to a disappointing life.”
~Melanie Ann Layer
10- Get out of the Discomfort Zone. Because there is nothing comfortable about your comfort zone when it stops you from growing and accomplishing the great things we are all capable of doing. Go out there, dress how you want to be addressed, make new connections, learn, do new things. Give yourself new challenges that are going to be a win-win no matter what, because you learn to do it better and enrich your experience in this world.
Laugh, love, and engage in new activities that take you out of your daily routine. Choose to believe thoughts that are going to inspire you into taking action. Be aware of the things you fear that are preventing you from being happy, analyze the why and that it doesn’t represent a real danger to your life. Thank the fear, release it, and be committed, because no reward can override what you won’t allow yourself to receive. Get out of your way with love and open space for your true Self.