When I was a little girl, I was always encouraged to talk. My ideas were always taken into account; they were either implemented or I was given a valid reason explaining why we wouldn’t use the said idea at a particular time.
I was groomed to always speak up, stand behind my values, point out unfair behaviors, and defend whoever was being misjudged or treated poorly by bullies or mental and emotional abusers.
I was born with that fire. We are all born with it.
Yet, sometimes in life, we find ourselves in escalating situations, where our voices go on mute, little by little, barely perceptible; and our fire begins to diminish.
This causes our inner talk to change and we begin to suppress our emotions.
My brother once taught me a parable with a question: “What happens when you compress a spring in your hand?” I had no answer to this question. I had not thought about the hand, only about the spring. He explained: “The hand gets tired and eventually gives up, releasing the spring, which will jump flying out between your fingers.”
This is what happens when we suppress our emotions. We begin to feel sad, but we don’t like feeling sorry about ourselves, so we get upset with ourselves about being sad. Now we are sad and angry which is disappointing, and then we get sad again.
And the cycle continues.
Our inner talk changes then, wrongly validating these emotions that we are piling up. We begin to excuse what we assume other people think, and we tell ourselves that maybe they are right, that maybe we are not good enough, that we are not worth loving, that we are stupid, that we don’t deserve to be happy. Some other times we tell ourselves that we are victims, that it is someone else’s fault, and that we are a product of other people’s actions.
Our subconscious mind believes what we tell ourselves, and according to what we believe we act, and then our actions, coming from a place of pain, anger, and fear, trigger similar emotions that we then add to our overflowing pile.
Our hand gets tired of compressing the spring, our heart gives up to the piled, suppressed emotions, and they get released into the wild of our world without directions.
This creates painful chaos. We can’t understand what we feel and there seems to be no way out, and so we continue searching what or who makes us feel that way. We continue pointing out what others say to us and lose track of what we say to ourselves. We focus on the circumstances that (although valid triggers of the symptoms) are not the actual root.
The way we change our inner talk and therefore our belief system is by listening to ourselves. I recommend journaling, a tool I ignored for many years. It wasn’t until I reached my lowest point, that I recognized I had to save myself, that those to blame were not relevant to my healing. I needed to organize my emotions, my thoughts, my inner speech. Mirror talk was not doing the trick, I needed to go deeper, so I began journaling.
I found that there were so many benefits to this exercise, some of them were: no longer being afraid of judgment, the certainty of being heard, introspection, stress relive, among others. I discovered the paper was a great listener, it never judged me, it never told me I wasn’t good enough.
I was able to change perspectives, change the negative thoughts about myself into compassionate ones, I told myself it was ok to be sad, and that it was ok to heal, too, and in turn, it was ok to be happy.
I interiorized that I had the responsibility of forgiving myself, that the work was within and not in my surroundings, that I owned my emotions and not the other way around, and the great importance this had in my personal growth.
I encourage you, my beautiful reader, to do the inner work, to heal yourself. You have so much to say, so much love to give. You, that yarn to be honored, respected, and loved, have the ability to give it to yourself. Once you take back your self-love, your self-validation, once you recognize your self-worthiness, then you will be able to love others; this is my truth, I don’t know who you are, yet I tell you this with love. I am not here to judge you, I understand you, it hurts, it’s hard, but you are already in pain, there is nothing to lose if it doesn’t work for you, so give it a try, because if it does work, it will be awesome!
<p value="<amp-fit-text layout="fixed-height" min-font-size="12" max-font-size="72" height="80">Dianabel San MartinDianabel San Martin
I believe in you, take back your power.